I know. It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me.
You often hear the “experts”
preach that you need to
mail your list at least once per
week.
Heck, some marketers pound
their list on a daily basis.
Not me.
I haven’t sent an email out in
months and it’s the best
damn thing I have done (for me and my family) in years.
Why?
It’s about my 6 year old son, Cole.
More importantly, about something he said to me a few months back. I only wish that he spoke these words a year ago. You’ll understand why in just a second…
Sidenote: Yesterday (Sept 4th), Cole started 1st grade (which reminded me to email you today). It’s an amazing experience watching your child grow up right before your eyes.
You see, over the past few years, I have worked my ass off building my online business. It’s the stuff that nobody wants to talk about. The *ugly* side of succeeding online.
….. That’s right, whether you want to admit it or not, only those who are *hungry* enough and willing to make extreme sacrifices — and step up their game — are the ones who really succeed.
Others, continue to whine and mope around, forever complaining that nothing works… while they continue to “work hard” and spend a mere 2 hours per week building their online business.
2 hours per week?
Two words… Good Luck!
Anyway, back to the story…
I completely admit. I have always been a workaholic.
Ok, there. I said it.
But, when you truly enjoy what you do, it never really feels like “work”, right?
It seems more like a hobby or something that you really enjoy… like sailing, playing guitar, scrapbooking… or whatever it is that puts a smile on your face.
And being a workaholic, is a very dangerous thing.
Whether you choose to admit it or not, there is a high probability that YOU TOO are also a workaholic.
You might even be a workaholic in denial — the worst kind there is.
After all, you’ve gotta be a little obsessed and hyper-driven to be involved in Internet Marketing.
The “Lazy Internet Marketer” is a fallacy. Don’t believe it. Most folks I know who claim to be “lazy” are extremely hard workers.
It’s just that they choose to goof off every now and then, and if given the choice, will avoid doing work.
But, when the heat is on, they step-it-up and often put in 16 hour days (back-to-back) without complaining.
Yes, that includes yours truly as well. 
Quote: It’s been said that successful people are
willing to do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do.
Which best describes you?
So, given that I am a workaholic who loves what I do, and is self-driven to succeed, it’s no wonder that I have also suffered from a severe case of tunnel vision.
Tunnel vision in my business?
No. That kind of channeled focus in any business would be a GOOD thing.
I am talking about living my life with tunnel vision.
That’s a bad thing. Here’s why…
A few months ago my wife, Alisa, and I decided to take our 3 kids for a 2-night trip to a water park resort called Great Wolf Lodge (highly recommended).
The kids were really excited. I must admit (being a big kid myself), so was I. It was long overdue.
We packed the kids in the car, drove 2.5 hours and finally got into the room and unpacked.
As we all sat on the bed and munched on some snacks, my son (Cole) said something that hit me like an emotional medicine ball to the chest.
In fact, I got all choked up after reflecting and truly understanding the meaning of his words…
As we continued to munch on our snacks, Cole looked around the room and then in a soft tone said,
“Daddy… where is your computer? Don’t you have to go work now?”
When I responded that I was not going to work today, tomorrow… or the next day, and that my computer (laptop) was at home, I saw Cole’s face light up like a kid on Christmas morning. Then he gave me a great big hug that truly spoke a thousand words.
I think he almost didn’t believe me because my past behaviour was a pretty clear indication of what was to come, because…
Daddy is plugged into the Internet 24/7
If you are a parent, you already know how clever your kids are. They pick up on these things real fast.
What you say (or don’t say), your actions, your expressions, your tone… they absorb it ALL.
Little did I know that right before my eyes, my kids were being conditioned to expect that I was working 7 days a week, without breaks.
Is this the kind of life that I wanted for my kids, my family and myself? Is this the role model that I wanted to portray?
Of course not.
Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t regret working my tail off over the past few years to build my business and provide for my family. I have been extremely blessed in all aspects of my life — family, marriage, finance, health, security, etc.
But, what Cole taught me is that to you need to know when to pull back and hit the pause button. You need to have a balance between work and family.
As entrepreneurs, we are often so self-driven and motivated to “do more”, to reach an even higher level of success, that we suffer from “tunnel vision” as I explained earlier.
It reminds me of that song by Cat Stevens, “Cats In The Cradle”. If you are not familiar with it, I suggest you Google the lyrics and read them word-for-word.
Here’s the short version of the song: Dad is too busy working 24/7 and has no time for his son. Dad grows old, son grows up and starts a family of his own, then has no time for his Dad.
That really sucks.
Let me clarify something before I wrap this story up… it’s not that I don’t spend time with my kids. I wasn’t spending enough QUALITY time with them.
Quality Time = going on vacations for 3-7 days, camping, hangout out in a playground for 3 hours giggling and playing tag, splashing around in pools, having water gun fights (where you let your kids win) THAT is my definition of quality time. Grabbing a quick family dinner at McDonald’s or watching a family movie on Friday night is NOT my true definition of quality time.
Oh, and one more thing… in my world, quality time with family = no checking email (I know… it only takes a minute), no access to the Internet, limited cell phone access (I now instruct my staff to only call me if there is a real emergency. As a result, I rarely get any calls).
My question to you is… how MUCH quality time are you spending with your kids? Be honest. If you don’t have kids yet, then this also relates to your spouse or significant other.
Is your online business (or the pursuit of it) slowly consuming all your free time and quality family time without you even realizing it — causing you to lose focus of that important “balance” that I mentioned in the previous few paragraphs?
It took me a couple of years to wake up and smell the roses. And even worse, a 6 year old had to literally *slap* me upside the head to put things in perspective and spell it out for me.
That’s why you haven’t heard from me in a few months.
I’ve been too busy playing catch up with my family, enjoying every minute of Summer and spending as much time (offline) as possible with my kids.
Sure, the is plenty of work to do and catch up on. But, the memories I created for my kids this Summer will be cherished for a lifetime. I have enriched their lives. Even though, they didn’t say the words, I know what they are thinking…
“Hurray! Daddy’s back!”
And that is something you canNOT put a price on.
But, I haven’t been goofing off all Summer long. My staff and I still managed to put together a few new exciting projects for you.
And now that the kids are back in school, it’s time to dig in and catch up on some work.
Best of all, the first “product” you’ll hear about from me is free. Actually, it is more of a service than product.
It’s a really cool concept and everyone who I have shared it with is doing back flips over it (I’m being serious here).
You’ll see, once I give you the scoop in another week or so. As a valued subscriber of mine, you will be the first to hear about it, use it and profit from it… and it won’t cost you a dime.
Talk to you soon… for real this time 
P.S. – If this post has inspired you, go give your kid(s) a big hug. Or better yet, work a half-day sometime this week, take them to the zoo, Chuck E. Cheese, or bike riding. They deserve to know just how much you love them and appreciate them.
Jason Potash
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I’ve been in corporate America for the past 30 years and can relate to having work own your life and take control. You need to provide for your family but not at the expense of your family. Nice post Jason and welcome back!
This reminds me of a similar position that I was in not too long ago. It’s not easy building a successful business while balancing family time. As a mompreneur trying to raise a family and grow my business, it has been very difficult to make things right.
The best we can do is keep that balance in mind with everything we do as parents and entrepreneurs, and never lose sight of what is important.
Jill
After having a super stressful day, this sure was a nice way to finish it.
Jason
I am so happy that you spent some genuine quality time with your family. So often you get only ONE chance to experience certain special times with your children. Congrats to you in your summer. What little time you spend away from us as customers will net in far better products and ideas as you reflect on the happy times with your family.
All the best!
A Content Composer fan!
Dexter
you can’t put a price on family. glad to see that you were able to sneak away this summer. sounds like you had some fun time with your family. you will surely get more done now as a result of being well rested with a clear mind.
thanks!
Its so true that the kids need this time.
We took our little ones to Disneyland for a couple days this summer.
I was debating to take the laptop or not. I finally decided against it.
Some how we will able to fill the time with other things.
And the net didnt fall apart without me.
-Charles
Jason: That’s awesome. New slogan… ‘leave the laptop’
I have 2 boys aged 9 and 6. When i come home from work, they normally come and give me a big hug; for a change, i’ve just gone and hugged them both (and the wife!).
Thanks for reminding us of the important things in life.
Shiv
It’s about time!
Personally (and I am a workaholic), I don’t mind being a little less successful so I can spend time with family.
And if you think this little revelation rocked your world (which I am sure it did – it came out in the writing of it), you should see what a life changing event like cancer can do!
The question you really have to ask yourself is, “Am I trying to keep up with the other guys (e.g. the Jones), and how many zeros to the right of the non-zero number is enough?”
You only get your kids for 18-20 years, and then they are gone. . . enjoy them while they last, becuase the time truly goes fast!
Jason: How true. It is unfortunate that sometimes in life, personal set backs, health issues, and/or financial trouble are often what it takes for us to take a step back, reflect, put things in perspective (re-frag our brains) and grow as individuals. That’s great news that you kicked the cancer
Thanks for helping all of us keep it in perspective and for your willingness to share the “ugly” side of building a business (what a refreshing change when compared to the instant millionaire message by promoted everywhere else)
As a father, 68 years old, I miss my children just as I did when they were young. I always made some time for them and loved them, but due to a military career there was a lot of things I missed. Don’t do that, you can’t go back and make it up.
I salute you for taking time.
Romie
Jason,
Way to go. Your honesty was refreshing.
My husband has a saying — Money is replaceable. Time is not.
Kids learn more from what we do than what we say. They’re always watching.
My 3 are now in high school and I try to be off the computer by the time they come home from school, and rarely in the evening.
What is ’success’ after all but being able to keep first things first.
Becki
Jason: Very well said Becki. For many of us, the primary goal of starting a business is to spend more time with our kids. Then, we somehow lose sight of this along the way. I have never measured success solely by looking at my bank account. Yes, money is important. But, being rich… alone, or with kids who avoid me, would not be my definition of success. That’s more like poverty.
Congratulations for being sensitive in understanding your child. Not every parent is. Some would have laughed and thought how funny a comment.
That’s great that you could look past the comment, right into your kid’s heart
A gold star for you!
I couldn’t agree more Jason.
I had a similar “aha” moment earlier this summer when I didn’t bring my laptop to the cottage. We made campfires, ate crab, and watched the stars in the sky and purple sunfish under the rocks in the water.
When I did get back to work I had 438 emails waiting, but very few were urgent or important. In fact I think I was more productive going through them in 1 hour than the several hours I would have wasted every time the email software went “ding”
Hi Jason,
Man can I ever relate to this.
I have been online for a long time now and often spent between 16 – 18 hour a day working at my computer. In airports, on vacation and every weekend my lap top was always on and I was pounding the keys doing something with my business.
About 8 months ago I got very sick and actually didn’t see a computer for over 2 months. I am doing better now but unable to work line I used to.
I consider it a blessing. While the income is not there anymore the relationships with my wife and children has grown. It is the small things in life that I was missing out on. It is the stuff that money just can not buy.
Jason,
What a touching post! You’re one of the few people I know whose love for his children is so present when he talks or writes. It’s refreshing to see. My parents worked a lot while I was growing up, to the point where we were daycare kids.
But we always had quality time whether it was our special all-day one-on-one with each parent (first my mom would take me for a fun day, then she’d take my brother for a day, then my dad would take me for a day, and so on)–or we’d go on great camping trips that we still reminisce about all these years later.
The quality time, even if it isn’t a lot of quantity, makes all the difference in the world. Your kids feel loved. That’s what counts!
Jason: Thanks Jaime. Many entrepreneurs use the catch phrase, “word hard, play hard” but few of them actually live by those words. What good is working really hard if you can’t “play hard” and hang around the camp fire for a few days (like your parents did with you).
Hi Jason:
A great lesson thanks, everyone should listen to it.
I wish I had heard it a few years ago (I too am a workaholic by nature). My Ex-wife finally smartened up and left me because of it. After our divorce and getting through the shock of it all I realized she did the right thing for herself.
I thanked her for the lesson and we are still friends today. (Just because you get divorced does not mean the other person stops being a great person – thats why you married them right!).
So like you I learned my lesson.
Several years later I am very happily remarried to a beautiful and wonderful lady and Matthew our first child is going to be one year old next week. It is truly wonderful to be here every day and watching him grow and learn.
I am still working hard and enjoying it, but not to the extent that it jeopardizes rather than helps my family.
Your next post should be about Cell Phones
Best wishes
Bill
Hi Jason -what a wonderful experience your kids and you as a family to have such a rich summer -the last before school begins is of enormous relevance anyhow.
this is what I wanted not to forget in my little breathless reply:
Don’t you forget to hug your little ones with a kiss from Mara .
My two sons are long time students (I think only possible in Germany and Austria in that neverending length) and the younger one just managed to crash my BMW to pieces. Luckily he only smashed my old green beauty.
Yeah, if nobody tears me back I tend to forget day and time -easily- behind my laptop.
Won’t you allow me to be one of your affiliates with my newbie-minilist?
It’s almost three in the morning.
hear and talk soon.
And an arm full of kind regards.
Mara
for my emails.
PS.This was my nickname I found for myself at about the age of your little daughter and as my ‘Christian’ name is so awfully long I decided to take up that old one again
This is a great post Jason. I’m glad you had insight into what is really important. Now my kids are late teens, I wished I’d have seen the effect of working hard and then being too tired to give them quality time. I’d have made changes a lot sooner than I did. They grow up SO fast!!
Hi Jason,
Thank you for reminding me, I still have’nt learnt, work work work and work and work and work………………..werk now Ive stopped. Im gald I stopped by. This article took the words right out of my mouth. Without saying much in words I just want to thank you for writing down my experience too, now Ive just got to pack up a liitle and move away from my desk and catch up with everyone before I am alone
Cheers Nice talking to you
Tim
My 7 year old and I play a game, where we take turns asking each other questions about anything we want. Just the other day, he asked me “Why do you work so much?” That of course made me feel very guilty.
But the other side of the coin is that although I work alot, my schedule is relatively flexible since most of my work is done online. This allows me to be involved with my son’s school and be in his classroom, and to be involved in other activities in his life.
I must admit though, I am always plugged in. I usually do check the computer at pretty regular intervals. I do it because I love what I do, because I want to make sure that all my businesses are operating well, and because I may have a disease called addictedtomycomputeritus.
-Rita
AMEN!
Darlene
http://www.mom-defrazzler.com
Jason, THANK YOU for reminding all those on your list about what is really important. I am a workaholic, but I get away with a lot because…
(1) I have rheumatoid arthritis so I can always say I am working because it’s the best form of distraction for the pain, including those midnight to 3 a.m. shifts;
(2) I “work” for a nonprofit and don’t even take a salary. Crazy huh? Not only do I say “mommy has to work right now” to my 4-year-old son, I don’t even make money doing it to benefit our family. Rest Ministries has been my life for 11 years and I know I am making a difference in the lives of many, but to my son I’m just NOT playing monster trucks with him.
Next week is my biggest week of the year, National Invisible Chronic Illness Awareness Week, (Sept 10-16) and I decided this last Friday night for our family to go to Anaheim for 3 days and mess around all weekend. Good thing Disneyland wasn’t on the schedule since it was 106 degrees, but even an afternoon at the hotel with my husband and I on separate double beds, with Josh pretending they were ships– made it all worthwhile!
So… I just had the same revelation! And yes, I came home to over 1000 emails and many orders (yay, but time consuming) but I am not regretting it a moment!
Blessings and thanks,
Lisa Copen
PS: Yes, I did take my computer, but used it to find out directions, times and Josh and I uploaded a new desktop on it– Nemo! and then played the Nemo game.
This is a great topic! Jason, several things you said I could relate with. In addition to running my main business, and two side business from home, I am also a mother to a soon to be 3 years old and a full time student at the University of Wisconsin.
Balance can be tricky, but it is all give and take. There are some weeks that I am under deadline after deadline, work…school…mother…wife…all swirling in the mix. I might get less time with my family during that week, but, I can guarantee that we sat down as a family for at least 2 meals every day that week. That my son and I read a story or played before bed, and that we spent at least 2 hours of quality time as a family. The weekends then are for them. If I do have to work or study is limited to 3 hours a day total, the rest is time with my family.
It not always easy, but if you let your heart guide you more and do as Jason suggest and “unplug” you are going to see there are more important things in your life that you need and that needs you.
Jason: You hit the nail right on the head, ”it’s not always easy” and to “let your heart guide you”. Also, it’s easy to slip back into the same old habits again and before you know it, another 6 months fly by. I think everyone needs to hit the “pause” button on a daily (if not weekly) basis to keep your life in check.
I can see deep down inside you a responsible parent.
i have no child yet, so, i cannot comment on this matter.
But i see in other’s life.
One of the father around 59 years old.(Very Rich…)
He try to “change” his only son which, gamble a lot.
His son was 29, and i think it was “too late”…
Great story Jason, thanks for sharing. I don’t have a family of my own yet, but it’s a great lesson to keep in mind for when I do. For now it’s just me and my cat Tigger – who sure likes getting in front of my computer monitors or laying on my papers to say “get off the computer and play with me.”
But I’ve certainly been doing a lot of list unsubscribing, refocusing and being more aware of the time I spend on the computer. Spending more time with my cat, with friends, family and having fun etc. With focus you can get more done in less time anyway. There really is more to life then the PC! :^)
Very appropriate, Jason. Thank you for taking the time to be real instead of just another breathless announcement of the latest and greatest “make money” product.
Your email and this blog post struck me in two ways. First, in your email, as you pointed out, because sending emails about offerings to a list produces some results, the majority of today’s “IM gurus” are just carrying the mailings to the point of idiocy. Also, you should make no apologies for your blog. Way too many blogger spend too much time with templates and other “gee-gaws” and way too little producing content of value. I don’t choose a blof to read by its cover.
On the more important family note: I’m 62. i have two great sons now in their 30’s, both successful and a joy to their dad. But if there is one regret of all my regrets over the past 30-odd years it is that I did not spend enough time with them. You who are all younger, smarter and more ‘with it” than this old codger can form your own opinions, but when you too are 60-something you’ll have the same regrets unless you do something now, while your family is young.
Some will know and some won’t this famous song:
Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin … Google it if you aren’t familiar.
Worth remembering that the song was written by Chapin’s wife, perhaps trying to tell him something, and that Chapin died suddenly at the temder age of 39 … driving down the road on top of his career one day, dead the next … none of us knows how many tomorrows there are.
Thanks for the wake-up Jason and the realization tears.
Thanks Jason! I have been working my head off.Then when i saw your blog i could take a big big breath and just relaxe.Becuse everything isn´t just work.
Thanks Jason !
Jason, I’m so glad to hear that you spent the summer with your kids. I, too, am and have been a workaholic.
I would spend long (3 weeks) vacations with the family trying to make up for the long hours of working the rest of the year. Disneyland, and other venues were worked in during the year and I tried to make most of their skating and other activities.
Now, they are all grown and I just became a great grandpa. We are all best friends and I wonder how much richer our relationships would be if I’d spent even more time with them.
Someone woke me up one day when he said he had worked in a hospice and been with lots of dying people and had never, ever heard one of them say they wish they’d spent more time at the office…only that they’d spent more time with their family.
That’s kind of sobering.
Thanks for getting this out to everyone on your list. You will, undoubtedly, have a profound effect on many lives with this story.
Jason
Looks like you hit a soft nerve here. Thanks for the reminder that we are all still human. My kids are all grown up now but they still need to know that they are more important than the computer.
The reason we put in long hours on the computers is for a better future. My heart goes out to those in thankless jobs for up to 50 years who think there is no way out. There nothing like helping them escape the rat-race.
Keep up the great work Jason. Give your son a big hug from Uncle Bill in Western Australia !
Jason,
Thank you very much!
Right on the money! Totally agree. We don’t see what’s going on around us. We are always working. And life is passing by.We have to learn how to make every day counts, every hour and every minute we spend enjoying our life, our families.
I turn my cell phone, computer and my brain off when I play with my 2 years old sun. Even if it is only an hour, but I’ll spend in ONLY with him. Everything else can wait.
Right on Jason!
I couldn’t agree with you more, I’m a bit of a workaholic myself and sometimes we forget what we are really working for…to provide a better lifestyle for our family.
But what good is it if we’re never around for them? My wife was the one who slapped me upside the head a while back, now I do my best to spend evenings as family time and to do something on weekends with them as well. Just little things like playing games, building lego sets or watching sponge bob together – kids appreciate that and its fun to forget about work for a while each day…
Kids grow up fast, then they’re off to make their own mark in the world. Andrew Carnegie spoke very highly of his father and credited him for his love of music and theater which he used to make the world a better place.
Bonding is something that cannot be broken if done well.
I wondered where you had gone my friend.
Now I only get 59 emails a day to sort through in case I miss ‘the next big thing’! …seriously though you bring home a very poignant point in that if we ‘newbies’ were to believe all the ‘guru’s out there, we would all be filthy rich in a couple of days or so and then we can frolick around all we want.
Guess what ….
Welcome back!
Yep, great message. I’m happy you figured it out in time. I tell my friends: want normal kids, normal family? Take the TV and throw it in the trash. Really. That way you get to talk to each, tell stories, play ball, make stuff together, dig each other, form real, deep relationships, have no junk in your heads, learn to love reading, learn the art of conversation. Same goes for the video games, which basically teach kids: problem? Kill it! Problem solved. Real solution: trash the video games. Now the problem is really solved.
You nailed this perfectly. It’s way too late after mid-teens.
And, please don’t forget your spouse. (Read that in 10 foot high type and your loudest day-glow hot pink color.) Yes, the voice of personal experience. Trust me on this one…
Hi Jason,
Wonderful to read that you got things in perspective and surely a few key pointers, at least to me.
Looking forward to your coming emails about your new services…
I live in Bangkok, Thailand and one of the things I see here where I live is a good little “trick” for parents or couples…. It takes only 10 min. a day..
Simply take a short walk in the park, road, garden before dinner and LEAVE the cell phones in the house and just BE with each other. The connection you’ll get is awesome and it doesn’t matter what you talk about, just BE….
Hi Jason,
Thank you.
You’re so right. My two year-old has often had to watch me doing emails and updating web pages, when I should have been playing with him.
It’s such an easy trap to fall into.
Time to go play!
When I’m 80, I want to remember the fun times, rather than looking back at how efficient I was with my inbox…
Hi Jason,
I actually met the writer of this song (briefly) about
10 years ago while attending a business function.
Harry Chapin’s wife wrote the song before the birth
or their son Joshua, and it turned out to be prophetic.
When Harry re-discovered the song and the irony of
it as he reworked the song and developed the music.
The nice ending to this story is that Harry turned round
in time to not have his life turn out like the songs end.
When I met Harry and Joshua, they were actually at the
function on stage together father and son, both musicians,
telling the story of the song, and their now close family
relationship.
Kindest regards,
Mark
Hey Jason,
What a wonderfully blessed person you (and your family) are, and what makes you even more blessed is that you realize and appreciate it. What a legacy you are passing onto your children. I have raised 5 children as a single mother, and I cannot stress enough the eternal value of a strong, loving Father.
I am sure you deserve all the success you enjoy, and can say that I have truly found you to be one of the most genuine ‘business’ people on the Internet.
The quality time you spend with your children today, is worth a thousand tomorrows. Plus it is an investment not only in their lives, but the lives of your grandchildren and greatgrandchildren (to come).
Thanks for the post.
Lynne (PF ‘Elsie’)
Jason: Thank you Lynne.
Hi Jason,
September 1, my husband and I walked our daughter down the aisle at her wedding. Outside of the day she was born, that day was the most emotional day of my life, as I placed my beautiful daughter’s hand into the hand of her new husband.
It’s almost a cliche, but oh so true…the days will fly by faster than you can ever imagine. And that special time is not reserved for small children. Last week I simply turned off the computer, and let clients know this was my time with my daughter.
Every client was completely supportive and respectful of this event, even sending their blessings. In fact, a very major television network has waited quietly until I was ready to return to the land of “work” this week.
Own your time. Hold your loved ones as a top priority. Do not compromise.
It’s too important, and frankly, it’s easy to make money. It’s your FAMILY time that is precious and fleeting. It cannot be replaced.
Wishing you a lifetime of joyful shared memories,
Tina Lorenz
Hi Jason,
How wonderful it is to find this out in good time. You said what we know all along, but often we need to be reminded.
It is good to make people happy, especially your loved ones. I am just thinking, it is not only the new born children, who needs the Dads and Mums. Just remember our parents are often so lonely in their old age.
They are in homes away from the every day life, needing more and more help to live. Sometimes the care people do it only as a job, which can lead to increased lonelyness.
It is good to visit our Mums and Dads as long we are able to do so. Have a laugh and joke, make them smile and even get exited. Laughter is like medecine.
Isn’t amazing, how one experience can lead to another. Keep up the good work.
Kindest Regards
Beat
Jason,
Great post. I’m going through the same smack upside the head now
- Dave
Thanks for being honest about the ‘lazy way to make money’. At least I now know I’m not totally useless not having ‘made it’ in two hours a week. And also, please tell those who email me more than once a week, they’re being automatically deleted!
But, the more important part is the real message in the blog about spending quality time with your family and other half.
Five years ago my husband left me, because I spent too long ‘working’.
I found someone else who made me happy, repeated the same mistake, and here I am ‘alone again, naturally’. What an idiot.
And yes, the children are both grown up and moved away, more quickly than I’d ever dreamed. Happily one, also a workaholic, understands and still finds time for his Sad Mum, and the other IT-savvy one rescues me whenever my life-line (PC/Internet) collapses.
When wishing for more time to do your work, remember the saying “Be careful what you wish for, you will surely get it”.
Jason,
I am grateful to you for many things:
for all you do for us out here
AND for taking a break from that for your own family.
PLEEEZ do the latter more!
I know how quickly it’s all over, never to have the opportunity to catch up, ever. The price of regret is way too high! No-one can afford it.
6 to 66 are the most important years, Oh and also 0 to 6 as well.
Well, that sounds nice but–these projects are still costing me money, so the work’s still gotta get done. If it’s the choice between $170,000 a year and $150,000, yes I’ll definitely take $20,000 less. But if it’s a choice between $70,000 and $50,000, there’s not much elbow room.
Hello Jason,
I guess I was lucky while I was in the Navy (20 years) I was a workaholic (notice past tense) I had a Master Chief tell me NOTHING was as important as being there for your kids. Never to miss a ball practice, dance recital, school lunch invitation.
Too many people have kids now and actually use them as trophies, they are the most precious gifts in the world and NOTHING can replace them or the time you spend with them. Drop off at daycare and get babysitters. Put them in front of tv or computer.
I have two kids of my own and now also my brothers two kids. 6,6,8 and 13 years old. We are both retired Navy. He works offshore. All of them have unique personalities, but like you said “Their eyes light up when you are there for them.”
We “Parents” are truly the only beacon of light. Don’t ever take your responsibility as parents lightly.
Now with school in I do get some time for my goals. But the day goes by fast. I need a make a business plan with a blueprint to get my business on track. Focus will come again for me.
Jason: I watched a show on TV last year. It was dedicated to showing troops returning from Iraq. They would film the bus pulling into a parking lot with 100 family members waiting (and most often, crying). I could not imagine being overseas like that – separated from my family for 6+ months – missing my child’s first steps, their first words… and fighting for my life, knowing that my family was worried sick whether or not I would return home. God bless them all. We don’t know how fortunate we truly are.
Jason:
My husband decided that this summer, he would work nights (5:00 pm to 5:30am) and I would work days, (10:00am to 6:00pm) so that we could each spend a very specific amount of time with our 7 year old.
Although my son needed to be quite between 10:00 am and noon while Dad slept, he was able to spend some very quality time with Dad everyday until Dad had to bring him to my store so Dad could go to work.
Yesterday was my son’s first day back to school. I got a phone call from my husband at noon telling me how much he missed my son.
Last night at about 9:00 pm, my son (who never complains or cry’s about anything) began to cry because he missed his Dad, who is still on nights for a few more weeks.
That special time together was time for deep emotional bonding. Most fathers are not the primary care givers and they don’t experience a bond that deeply, with their children. One where they almost rely on each other.
My husband and son share a very deep emotional bond. My son shares that same bond with his mom and his big sister too, but, my daughter and husband have never had the opportunity to develope that relationship as my husband was always at work and was never a primary care giver.
The deep routed memories that we have as children form who we become as adults. If family comes first when your a child, family will come first when you become a parent.
I would give up my entire financial life for my family because what we share together is the greatest asset we have.
Here is a little experiment for anyone to try, and you will see how much work you need on your family unit.
Spend an entire month in a hotel room with your family. My son and daughter had to share a pull out couch while my husband and I slept on the bed. All we had was a microwave, a toaster, a small bar fridge, the TV, some cards and games, and ourselves.
At the end of a month, see how you feel about each other. You will either hate each other, or realize that your family is all that counts.
We do this once each year. Last year we spent a month in Chicago, this year, Toronto. Next year…who knows, maybe Italy. Either way, home must not be near or you can sneak away and that would be cheating.
My kids are 17 and 7 and I have always insisted upon respect between them. But it seems to come naturally between them without my intervention.
P.S. My sister told me that her family would not last a week in a small hotel room. Someone would leave in a body bag. I feel sorry for her.
Thanks Jason. I needed that. Great job.
Hi Jason,
I was mesmerized reading your post – and even though
I don’t have kids, I could see your Son’s face when you
told him you actually left your computer at home.
Kudos to you, your son and your entire family my friend.
It’s so easy to get caught up in the trance of the “Matrix” and
hard as heck to step back from it, because we seldom even
realize that we’re even in it to begin with…
Thanks again for the wonderful article…
Paul Bauer
http://www.dreamsalive.com
We do set the pattern for future generations.
As a designer, I *crave* a laptop. But I refuse to buy one. Not until I get that balance worked out.
You see, I still have vivid memories of my father – the definitive workaholic – packing not one, but TWO briefcases of files in the trunk of our car before we would go “on holidays”. (This was in the days BC – Before Computers.)
Like father like daughter. I often bring “work” (noteboooks and daytimers) with me when we do get away for a weekend of camping.
Sadly, my dad passed suddenly of a massive heart attack while he and Mom were out in Alberta visiting us. Only 69 years old and less than five years into retirement. As I looked into his eyes that night, I heard a voice in my head say to me: “That will be you in 35 years if you don’t stop – now.”
That was 8 years ago. I’ve made some changes since then – I left a corporate job in the city to be home for the kids. That’s when I started my home-based biz. But I’m still running ragged, working far too many hours and not living my life the way I envisioned when I started this venture.
On the plus side however, I’m in the process of making changes to my business with the intent that I essentially take the whole of next summer off.
Because I don’t want my 7-year-old girl to say to me again: “You don’t have time to play with me because you have to work.”
Wish me luck!
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