I know. It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me.
You often hear the “experts”
preach that you need to
mail your list at least once per
week.
Heck, some marketers pound
their list on a daily basis.
Not me.
I haven’t sent an email out in
months and it’s the best
damn thing I have done (for me and my family) in years.
Why?
It’s about my 6 year old son, Cole.
More importantly, about something he said to me a few months back. I only wish that he spoke these words a year ago. You’ll understand why in just a second…
Sidenote: Yesterday (Sept 4th), Cole started 1st grade (which reminded me to email you today). It’s an amazing experience watching your child grow up right before your eyes.
You see, over the past few years, I have worked my ass off building my online business. It’s the stuff that nobody wants to talk about. The *ugly* side of succeeding online.
….. That’s right, whether you want to admit it or not, only those who are *hungry* enough and willing to make extreme sacrifices — and step up their game — are the ones who really succeed.
Others, continue to whine and mope around, forever complaining that nothing works… while they continue to “work hard” and spend a mere 2 hours per week building their online business.
2 hours per week?
Two words… Good Luck!
Anyway, back to the story…
I completely admit. I have always been a workaholic.
Ok, there. I said it.
But, when you truly enjoy what you do, it never really feels like “work”, right?
It seems more like a hobby or something that you really enjoy… like sailing, playing guitar, scrapbooking… or whatever it is that puts a smile on your face.
And being a workaholic, is a very dangerous thing.
Whether you choose to admit it or not, there is a high probability that YOU TOO are also a workaholic.
You might even be a workaholic in denial — the worst kind there is.
After all, you’ve gotta be a little obsessed and hyper-driven to be involved in Internet Marketing.
The “Lazy Internet Marketer” is a fallacy. Don’t believe it. Most folks I know who claim to be “lazy” are extremely hard workers.
It’s just that they choose to goof off every now and then, and if given the choice, will avoid doing work.
But, when the heat is on, they step-it-up and often put in 16 hour days (back-to-back) without complaining.
Yes, that includes yours truly as well. 
Quote: It’s been said that successful people are
willing to do what unsuccessful people are not willing to do.
Which best describes you?
So, given that I am a workaholic who loves what I do, and is self-driven to succeed, it’s no wonder that I have also suffered from a severe case of tunnel vision.
Tunnel vision in my business?
No. That kind of channeled focus in any business would be a GOOD thing.
I am talking about living my life with tunnel vision.
That’s a bad thing. Here’s why…
A few months ago my wife, Alisa, and I decided to take our 3 kids for a 2-night trip to a water park resort called Great Wolf Lodge (highly recommended).
The kids were really excited. I must admit (being a big kid myself), so was I. It was long overdue.
We packed the kids in the car, drove 2.5 hours and finally got into the room and unpacked.
As we all sat on the bed and munched on some snacks, my son (Cole) said something that hit me like an emotional medicine ball to the chest.
In fact, I got all choked up after reflecting and truly understanding the meaning of his words…
As we continued to munch on our snacks, Cole looked around the room and then in a soft tone said,
“Daddy… where is your computer? Don’t you have to go work now?”
When I responded that I was not going to work today, tomorrow… or the next day, and that my computer (laptop) was at home, I saw Cole’s face light up like a kid on Christmas morning. Then he gave me a great big hug that truly spoke a thousand words.
I think he almost didn’t believe me because my past behaviour was a pretty clear indication of what was to come, because…
Daddy is plugged into the Internet 24/7
If you are a parent, you already know how clever your kids are. They pick up on these things real fast.
What you say (or don’t say), your actions, your expressions, your tone… they absorb it ALL.
Little did I know that right before my eyes, my kids were being conditioned to expect that I was working 7 days a week, without breaks.
Is this the kind of life that I wanted for my kids, my family and myself? Is this the role model that I wanted to portray?
Of course not.
Now, don’t get me wrong… I don’t regret working my tail off over the past few years to build my business and provide for my family. I have been extremely blessed in all aspects of my life — family, marriage, finance, health, security, etc.
But, what Cole taught me is that to you need to know when to pull back and hit the pause button. You need to have a balance between work and family.
As entrepreneurs, we are often so self-driven and motivated to “do more”, to reach an even higher level of success, that we suffer from “tunnel vision” as I explained earlier.
It reminds me of that song by Cat Stevens, “Cats In The Cradle”. If you are not familiar with it, I suggest you Google the lyrics and read them word-for-word.
Here’s the short version of the song: Dad is too busy working 24/7 and has no time for his son. Dad grows old, son grows up and starts a family of his own, then has no time for his Dad.
That really sucks.
Let me clarify something before I wrap this story up… it’s not that I don’t spend time with my kids. I wasn’t spending enough QUALITY time with them.
Quality Time = going on vacations for 3-7 days, camping, hangout out in a playground for 3 hours giggling and playing tag, splashing around in pools, having water gun fights (where you let your kids win) THAT is my definition of quality time. Grabbing a quick family dinner at McDonald’s or watching a family movie on Friday night is NOT my true definition of quality time.
Oh, and one more thing… in my world, quality time with family = no checking email (I know… it only takes a minute), no access to the Internet, limited cell phone access (I now instruct my staff to only call me if there is a real emergency. As a result, I rarely get any calls).
My question to you is… how MUCH quality time are you spending with your kids? Be honest. If you don’t have kids yet, then this also relates to your spouse or significant other.
Is your online business (or the pursuit of it) slowly consuming all your free time and quality family time without you even realizing it — causing you to lose focus of that important “balance” that I mentioned in the previous few paragraphs?
It took me a couple of years to wake up and smell the roses. And even worse, a 6 year old had to literally *slap* me upside the head to put things in perspective and spell it out for me.
That’s why you haven’t heard from me in a few months.
I’ve been too busy playing catch up with my family, enjoying every minute of Summer and spending as much time (offline) as possible with my kids.
Sure, the is plenty of work to do and catch up on. But, the memories I created for my kids this Summer will be cherished for a lifetime. I have enriched their lives. Even though, they didn’t say the words, I know what they are thinking…
“Hurray! Daddy’s back!”
And that is something you canNOT put a price on.
But, I haven’t been goofing off all Summer long. My staff and I still managed to put together a few new exciting projects for you.
And now that the kids are back in school, it’s time to dig in and catch up on some work.
Best of all, the first “product” you’ll hear about from me is free. Actually, it is more of a service than product.
It’s a really cool concept and everyone who I have shared it with is doing back flips over it (I’m being serious here).
You’ll see, once I give you the scoop in another week or so. As a valued subscriber of mine, you will be the first to hear about it, use it and profit from it… and it won’t cost you a dime.
Talk to you soon… for real this time 
P.S. – If this post has inspired you, go give your kid(s) a big hug. Or better yet, work a half-day sometime this week, take them to the zoo, Chuck E. Cheese, or bike riding. They deserve to know just how much you love them and appreciate them.
Jason Potash
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Jason,
Very well put my friend! Very well put.
Awesome post! I cried like a baby as I read this… not just because it was a very touching story, but also because I just dropped my son off at school as well.
It broke my heart to watch my son walk up the corridor with his friends. I must have looked stupid as I stood there crying like a baby, but I am just so proud of that kid. Even though he was walking to his dorm room at his new University – he’s still my baby boy.
I know he’s going to do some amazing things in his life.
Every moment we have with our children are blessings. Thank you Jason for reminding me of that again, and Thank You God for the wonderful opportunity to be a parent.
Jason, thanks for sharing this experience. We never had kids, so it’s hard to imagine… I can see things from Cole’s side, though. When I was very young, my dad was climbing the ladder, working on his days off, etc. One day, one of the neighbors asked my mother how long she’d been a widow. A few months later, my dad changed careers and was around a lot.
I guess sometimes it’s hard to learn the stove is hot without burning your own fingers. I was sliding into the same trap, laptop surgically attached to the ends of my fingers whenever we went anywhere.
When we were home, my wife usually saw the back of my head– if she came into my office. We were caring for my late mother-in-law and my office was my escape…
This spring, we had the opportunity to celebrate my parents’ 50th anniversary with a cruise to Hawaii, and I actually left the laptop home, avoided the internet cafe on the ship, rarely turned on the cell phone. It was AMAZING. Even with the jet lag (we live in Florida), I was more relaxed than I’d been in years.
Since then, I’ve made myself a new rule… when my wife gets home from work, I’m “home from work” too. We spend our at-home time with each other, not emailing or IMing each other from different parts of the house.
Thanks again for sharing your own experience.
John McCabe
PS– “Cats in the Cradle” was actually written and recorded by Harry Chapin.
Hi Jason,
thanks for the post. It is nice to see WP used in action. I’ve read some interesting articles by your self, and I think you have an attitude that I can identify with. They were interesting, digging up new knowledge, and always with a little twist. I guess it was because you expressed your feelings, attitudes or whatever one should call it. I agree with you, that your post is worth reflecting on.
Thank you very much
Bo
Great timing on this post. My 10 year old daughter just came running in from school, all excited to go wakeboarding. (She just started, and is working on getting “air”).
There’s always a struggle whenever you decide to spend your time: whether with your family or on your business. There are always trade-offs.
Your post really made me feel free to knock off early today and take Jenny wakeboarding.
Thanks JP!
I definitely struggle with this one at times. My daughter just started kindergarten, and I’m trying to get my son to switch his naptime to when she’s at school so I have some guilt-free work time.
Taking time off working is hard for me, but one of the things I do is to involve my kids in what I do, both as work and around the house. My son is 2-1/2, but much fascinated by cooking. If I’m in the kitchen, he’s on a chair as close to the action as I feel is safe.
My husband’s computer is set up right next to mine. He’s a distraction, but it means we are at least together when I do work at night. We talk, take breaks, and just enjoy being by each other.
The balance can definitely be tough. I do struggle at times with wanting to work more than I should, because I love what I do. But I also love being with my family.
Hey Jason,
I am sure you won’t be expecting this kind of comment. I have entered the field of Internet Marketing after raising my one and only daughter. She is now 19 and gone to College.
The computer is pulling me out of my empty nest syndrome. Life gets very lonely after the children grow up and fly away. I have found a way to pass my time constructively and make a lot of new friends on the Internet.
Nevertheless, it is important to find a balance between family, friends and work. I am so consumed with my ideas of internet marketing and itching to check my emails, I understand what you mean by having a tunnel vision and not savoring the joyful moments of life. Thanks for the words of caution. That was a pretty good validation I am sure of what we all feel being in Internet Marketing. It is a different world – this Internet Market!
When you’ve got 15 minutes left to live, you won’t be saying, “drat, I wish I’d spent more time at the computer!”
There’s a Chinese proverb that says “A 3 year old’s personality equals one’s lifetime character.” 0-6 are the precious, formative years, a window of opportunity for parents to bond, instil values and teach life skills to our kids. One of my favorite quality time activity with my son is bedtime time chat that begins with “When I was a kid/your age……”
Yeah, the song sounds like an endless cycle of work habit that will pass on from generation to generation.
Jason, great post. I’m working long days every day right now to get my next big project out, but when it’s done I’m taking my wife for a few quiet days in Takayama (a small town up in the mountains).
We try to reward ourselves quite often – especially after I’ve just finished a project. This spring, we took off while I had a WSO running. I was a bit apprehensive, but being nowhere near an Internet connection I just gave up worrying about it. When I got home, a ton of sales had gone through and no major calamities.
Work hard, play hard
Thanks so much for sharing this with us Jason. I totally relate and as a work at home mom to three young children have had a similar incident in the past. Like you, it really choked me up and make think long and hard about how I was spending my time. Great post.
To a child, ‘love’ is spelled ‘T-I-M-E’
Great to hear you’re giving your kids lot of it, Jason
I’m off – our little girl’s treating us to dinner, as a
gift on our anniversary!
Thanks for an inspiring post.
Dr.Mani
I’ve been a workaholic for as long as I can remember.
One of the things I learned from a friend of mine that I implemented was one night a week (I chose Sunday) for family dinner. Unless there was a major catastrophy we all got together for dinner and the evening on Sunday.
My daughter, who is grown up now with a family of her own, commented the other day that at the time she hated Sunday night dinner because it interferred with her social life, but now, in retrospect, loved it.
Thanks for the post, Jason. Right now my “off-line” business has gone down-hill badly (my wife and I own a mortgage brokerage!) and I’ve been devoting my time to doing additional marketing for it, and to getting a few on-line and off-line endeavors going. But, I always take the time to spend my evenings, and sometimes what should be work days, with my beautiful wife.
My perspective on this is a bit different from most people’s, I think, because twice in my life I was told the odds were I was going to die, and both times the doctors and experts were wrong. Nine months after getting married, I had a brain aneurysm that burst (i.e. I was bleeding into my brain). I waited almost nine hours to drive myself to the hospital. After a breakthrough surgery by an excellent team of doctors, I walked away with absolutely no disability. To put this in perspective, less than 5% of all people with this condition, who seek help immediately, have such a positive outcome.
Now, I work when I have to, and of course I give my best effort when I do, but if my wife needs me or if it’s just such a beautiful day that we decide to go lay by the pool, I take the time to do it. Life is just too short, death lasts a long time, and no one knows when the transition is going to take place.
If the credit cards get run up a bit to pay the bills, or I have to try 10 things that don’t work before I find one thing that makes money, it really doesn’t matter as long as I’m “on the right side of the grass”, and get to spend more time with the ones I love.
I don’t remember who said it, since i read it years ago, but one thing is true.
“No one, on their death bed, ever said ‘I wish I’d spent more time at work’.”
Words to live by,
Jack
http://www.StarMortgageBroker.com
Well said, Jason! However, it’s not just the children who suffer.
I too, am a workaholic. I’m going on 60 (years, not mph) and 20 years ago, with one failed marriage already in the bag I “lost” my second wife of 3 years – she ran off with her boss!
Both agreed I was a great guy and they loved me (still true to this day) but they didn’t like me. To be more correct, they didn’t like what I was doing. Both had accused me of having a mistress, one with which they could not compete: my business activities!
At the time, I couldn’t understand the reasoning. (No doubt some of your readers, especially the females, will be screaming at the screen: “Duh! It’s obvious!”)
With the passage of time, I finally came to realize that as a long time entrepreneur I was addicted to, and dedicated to, my work – I was a total workaholic. As with an alcoholic, I was in denial.
Unfortunately, there’s no 12 step plan for coping with workaholicism!
After the failure of the second marriage I decided marriage was just not for me. I stayed single for the next 12 years, during which time I made a great deal of money and traveled far and wide.
Then, at the age of 52, I met an American “beauty”. I was smitten and with hindsight, completely blind! Three months later we were married and had purchased a beautiful home in the Hollywood hills. This time, I told myself, I will dedicate more of my time to my “new” wife and less to my “old” work ethics.
My American beauty loved shopping! The money flowed out of the bank faster than it was going in and it wasn’t long before I had to dedicate more time to earning more money than to being with my wife. I’m sure I don’t need to give you the details of what happened as a result. So much for “love” (aka: infatuation) – it is indeed blind!
Once again, I’m no longer married. The money has gone and there’s very little equity left in the house. I have to start over.
The moral of the story: “A fool and his money are soon parted, as are a workaholic and his wife”
Jason,
My 2.5 year old daughter said very similar words to me not so long ago – it’s so easy to just take a minute for email, etc. – and as the main caregiver, I’d been working a lot of weekends so I could focus on her during the week.
Then I realized what I was missing – so now Sundays are our family days, and we just return from 7 weeks of vacation this summer…!
We are days away from welcoming our second child and I’m glad we are more in balance now.
Thanks for sharing, Jason…
I have to say, that I could not agree with you in 100% regarding Life lessons from a 6 year-old, but it’s just my opinion, which could be wrong
I couldn’t understand some parts of this article Life lessons from a 6 year-old, but I guess I just need to check some more resources regarding this, because it sounds interesting.
Good-Heavens Jason,
It is 5:11 AM, and I am already at the computer working.
Lovely Cole is God-send no doubt and his message profound and timeless.
I have read somewhere before, years ago, that “the children are our best teachers”.
I have an intuitive feeling that life was never meant to be a struggle.
However, I have as yet to crystallize that as a fact in my life.
I am vexed by the fact that I spent lots of time and paid lots of money to graduate from a university, just to get a job that is paying me less per annum than what I paid the universty.
Then I have to put up with a gruelling daily ninety minutes commute fighting traffic jams back and forth home to work.
I have to wake up daily, very early at Unnatural hours so I can be at work on time.
I have to go to work whether I like it or not otherwise I loose the auto and the house, and won’t be able to put nutritious food on the table.
Furthermore, it is no consolation that I am spending a good part of the day, almost twelve hours, away from home, not able to enjoy the house for which I am paying an arm and a leg.
I do take it that the foundation of life is freedom and the purpose of life is joy, yet because I have to be away at work, I am unable to enjoy the company of my loved ones, friends and neighbors.
Indeed, how many hours are there in a day?
And I do miss the abundant beauty of nature, unable to take lenghty and meaningful vacations/holidays to really relax and rejuvenate.
Is there such a thing as financial freedom?
“If you can think it, it can be “, said a sage capable of perceiving at far sight.
I have heard of commutes of a mere four seconds, from the bedroom to the kitchen-table office, in pajamas at that, working a couple of hours a few days a week, and no boss to answer to, and surely earning sufficient passive income to live life as it was meant to be by enjoying and indeed celebrating the company of our loved ones, friends and neigbors on a daily basis, yes every moment is precious, do not waste it.
I believe am almost there, perhaps by summer 2008, and it has been a toilsome two years on the internet thus far. Yes Jason, internet success to a comfortable passive income requires work, no doubt.
Yes indeed, young Cole is correct with his message to daddy Jason, work HAS to be moderated. There are precious moments that I have missed in this life and I wish I could go back in time, and my life would have been emotionally much more richer, so to speak.
Yes dear reader, Jason’s children are talking to each of us, there are no coincidences. Jason is a very humble messagenger.
Thank you Cole, and thank you Jason.
By the way Jason and you the readers, please do allow me to comment that there is a technique, as old as time itself, that me and my lovely lady are now practicing and thus far it has began delivering the financial “goods”.
Do take a peep at a ten-minute clip of the video, “The astonishing power of emotions” by Abraham-Hicks, the good folks in San Antonio.
Warmest regards to all our relations, which is all of you reading this.
I am pat kagimu
(and marina my precious wife is still in bed asleep, which is okay).
Hello Jason,
The truth is always stranger than fiction.
It has to be the essence of wisdom that you are able to not only
be our guide in material matters, and at same time realise the critical
importance of emotional naturing.
Man(and woman) cannot live by bread alone.
Kudos to Cole.
It is Rosalita here.
Hi Jason,
Children grow up so fast, they notice more than we give them credit for, they need mum & DAD, so when they are older they will one day turn around and say thanks for being there, dad.
Enjoy your children.
Margaret Halliwell
What a refreshing read Jason,
Thank you so much. Even though my daughter, sis, dad, etc. are out of home, I will be giving them a phone call today and tomorrow.
In home are my cat and bird. My Pumba-cat definitely gets jealous of my being on the computer so much…..and….lets me know
.
I am trying to do better, and sure do appreciate the nudge.
Richard
Thanks Jason – I think I’ll quit for the day now and go to my son’s football practice…
Hi, I agree with you that spending quality time with our families is very important unfortunately I am as guilty as the rest for maybe not spending as much time with my family as I should. After reading your post I have decided to make more time to appreciate my lovely family.
Thanks!
The wake-up call on family time came when my 8-year old daughter came to my home office and OFFERED TO PAY ME TO PLAY WITH HER. What a shock. Is this what our family time had come to? I’ve got two sets of kids — two older who are now grown up and out of the house, and two smaller ones — they grow up way too fast. It’s time you will never get back. Seize it now and enjoy.
From reading your blog Jason, I get a sense that you are an ideal marketer – frank, firm yet caring. You speak to the reader rather than using the false modesty of “Who am I and why you should listen to me,” approach. You have quickly won me over, and believe me I am getting more and more skeptical of falsely sincere gurus.
Hi Jason,
Thanks so very much for your post. It is 100% correct. I know, because it has happened to me ( I’m 61). I can’t believe now how UNIMPORTANT are those things that I used to think were so important. NFL football, for one. That’s right, I’m attacking one of the things that I watched, instead of spending time with my three children. They didn’t care much for watching it, so it wasn’t a family activity. You know, nobody really gives a —- now who won the game back then. My children are grown and gone and I cannot have that time back.
Hobbies: I had one that took me out of the house once or sometines twice a week for several hours. I no longer have that hobby, and do I deeply regret watching my son wave by while I left in the car (he was 5)? You cannot imagine (unless you were a total idiot like I was) the heartache that re-occurs EVERY time I think about it.
If you want to avoid severe heartache and guilt later (and it’s too late), spend quality time with your wife (or husband) & children NOW! You need it, and they deserve it.
Thanks again Jason.
Hey Jason Great Blog,
I too set up a F-You account some years ago and don’t regret a thing. I too like you have been spending 16-18 hour days seven days a week on the business. Only like you I hadn’t really thought about the impact it was having on my family. So I have book a surprise holiday for my wife and daughter for next week and were going to jet off with only a minutes notice. Yes I know my wife will complain she hasn’t had time to pack but hey we can buy clothes and whatever we need when we get there.
Thanks Man.
Kind Regards Andrew
Sometimes the kids knows best! Cheers!
Regards,
Sherry
http://www.mathematicsvedic.com
http://www.VedicMathematicsSecrets.com
Thank you for the wonderful inspiration to be sure to remember the really important things.
I’m sorry to leave this msg. here, but I don’t know where else to hopefully communicate with you. I have been trying for some time to locate your program ArticleAnnouncer and every link I’ve tried brings up an 404 Error Msg. Have you taken it off the market or renamed it or what? I am new to IM and would like to begin with article marketing and your course is very highly recommended. How can I get a hold of it? Alex
Mr.Potash
Excellent article, moving to, jason all work,no play makes jason a dull boy, Its cool to hear that the im hype isn’t always what it cracked up to be, sometimes you have to roll up the sleeves and puts some proverbial elbow greese in it,but to keep it fun(as i was told) at the same time.! Not to long ago i was listin in on a call with the 4 hour work week guy, if you haven’t read that book the 4 hour work week you may find some value to it? Did you enjoy your stay at the Great Wolf lodge as far as letting go and getting some family time in? I have a couple questions Mr. Potash if you could email me mayne_attraktion@yahoo.com i have a couple questions..p.s. its hard to find an email addy around the i net(i’am still somewhat new to ThIs. thanks for taking this hope to hear back e
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